What Would You Do When The Girl You Chose Is Not....

Exactly what you expected. We've all had it happen at least once. It's called butter face. She's got a smoking hot body. Or she looks pretty. But why does she have that mustache?

Personally, the mustache part really bothers me. The lights inside a go go bar as well as the bright lights in the fishbowls do a great job camouflaging that stash until you tell her to come over and bang there are fine noticeable hairs right above her perfect lips.

Not an actual bar girl in Thailand... Thank god!

Now I can tell you I can easily overlook the hair lip if she's got a great pair of tits and an ass so tight you can bounce 10THB coins off of.

Many Thai girls working in the bar scene and even massage girls have hair lip. Except most ladyboys. I asked a ladyboy friend of mine why most real girls working in the sex industry don't take some grooming tips from the ladyboys.

And she says it's expensive because she goes to expensive clinics and lasers off her five o'clock shadow. Which most bar girls can not afford. I tend to disagree with her opinion because well, she's a ladyboy and her opinions are skewed favorably towards the third gender.

Or what about a massage girl you chose seems to do a lot of talking instead of what you paid her partly to do which is give a massage.

Now some girls are slick and try to get away with doing the work you pay them for and plain lazy. I've heard a lot of complaints via email on this blog.

All I can say is just ask for the massage if one is not given. It's as simple as that. But remember that not all these girls are given really basic lessons on massage. And it's partly due to the fact that many guys who go to soapy and oily massage are there to get there rocks off.

So for me, a girl with a bit of lip hair is not a big deal, as long as her body is smoking hot. Which fortunately most Thai girls working in the bars have.

And if I come across any lazy massage girls, I just tell them straight out I want the massage that I paid for.

What would you do?

Seetanu Bungalows, Koh Phangan

All the PADI IDC's that I taught so far on Koh Phangan were on Haad Chao Phao and the beach there is just fabulous! It's a nice stretch of almost unspoiled beach in a small bay with just a few resorts and Seetanu is one of them.

The 17 bungalows come in various price rates and there a handful of low budget fan rooms changing into good bungalows at the beach or in their luscious garden.

Just for the beach alone you will love it, sunsets and quietness! Just be aware that once every month there's a party near the beach. That night it's not quiet!
The resort doesn't have a pool but the ocean is directly in front and has shallow water.

The bungalows have a good price and I can recommend the are, plenty of restaurants are nearby in this nice and quiet corner of the island.

Booking by AGODA

Booking by HOTELS COMBINED

The entrance sign

One of the beach bungalows

Garden bungalow

Garden bungalow

View on to the beach

The beach

Getting the Akane Skin Scrub Treatment and a Much Needed BJ...

I should really stick to visiting massage parlors and go go bars...

Occasionally I do a lot of stupid boneheaded nonsense. Like taking on a trek through hilly terrain with a mountain bike up country.

I did some short trips in and around parts of Vietnam because a good buddy of mine put me up to it. So I figured why not bike around in Thailand. Plenty of green scenery and hills upcountry. Stupid move Jim.

Long story short I tumbled more than a few times down some slopes. Got more mosquito bites in one day than I've had in one year. I wouldn't blame the mozzies. It was a long, long bad day.

So what could cheer me up? Heading over to Akane Fashion Massage, the Chidlom Branch of course where I could get my usual skin scrub/massage treatment/hand job.

I would've probably gone somewhere else to get the full treatment but my knees and back hurt like hell. And we all know how important are knees and backs are for performing the dirty business.

Akane's skin scrub, simply called the S4 course cost 1780THB for 2 hours. I typically go for the 80 minute course which cost 1480THB but I have a lot of dirt and grime I want scrubbed off.

I called up ahead to make an appointment with my usual girl. As I've mentioned before, Akane girls, particularly at the Chidlom branch, do not employ the prettiest girls (my opinion of course). But their ladies are trained very well if you know what I mean.

As usual, customers place their valuables inside a locker and the key is secured around the customer's wrist. You'll get lead up to a room first where you disrobe and given a towel to wrap around your waist.

For the skin scrub treatment, customers are lead back downstairs to the basement with about stalls, each a steel table covered with a rubber mat. Kinda looks like an autopsy table at a morgue.

The massage girl first rinses the table down with a shower head and then you lay down with your meat and veg hanging out. Don't be shy, these girls have seen it all.

The skin scrub is done with big coarse grains of salt. It is liberally applied all over your skin. On top of that your massage girls wears these special gloves that helps remove dead skin. For the uninitiated, getting scrubbed down with big clumps of salt and a mitt that feels like sandpaper is uncomfortable.

For me, it's pure bliss knowing that all that shit and grime accumulated during the bike trek is getting washed away.

A nice wash down with soap follows the skin scrub. And if your massage girl is in a playful mood she'll play around with your meat and veg.

And as I mentioned before, Akane Massage is the type of joint where the ladies are trained to play around with your asshole. No I'm not into it. But from what I hear from the ladies a lot of customers ask them to put in a finger or two (and even three, you sick bastards).

Overall, the skin scrub segment of the S4 massage course last around 30  to 40 minutes. The ladies are thorough and they don't rush. Which is a good thing.

Afterwards, customers are taken back to the rooms upstairs where the massage begins and of the course the bj.

Akane Massage is simply one of my favorite places to visit and a place I know I can always get reliable and dependable good service. Even though they don't have the hottest looking girls, to me that's something that I can easily overlook because every time I leave their shop I always have a happy face.